Check One: Male, Female...Other?

If you've ever typed a celebrity's name into Google, you can bet some ridiculous story about them will pop up. It is your choice whether you believe what you read or not. But one rumor that almost everyone has heard before is the rumor that Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite. Though Lady Gaga puts herself in the spotlight freely, why do people assume because she is a celebrity, they have the right to know EVERYTHING about her? Right down to the kind of junk she carries around in her diamond encrusted panties? This is a question I cannot answer. But this got me thinking, how common is it to be a hermaphrodite? First off, what's a hermaphrodite? Dictionary.com defines a hermaphrodite as an organism having both male and female reproductive organs. So basically a hermaphrodite is nor male, nor female. So what gender are they? Well they are transgender; they are another kind of gender. But how could this be? There are only two types of genders. Well my dear reader that is where your poor media brainwashed mind is wrong. See media controls a large portion of our lives. In media, we are only shown two genders from the time we are very small, male and female. You are never shown a hermaphrodite character on your favorite cartoon or reality show. Hermaphrodites have a tough time in life, and so do they're parents. See when a family has a hermaphrodite, they are strongly encouraged to get their child surgically changed into a desired gender. This gets tricky because then what if the family decides to make them a female but their hormones make them more male? And when you fill out papers and you have to check off your gender, what do you check? These are some of the many questions hermaphrodites have to face that many people don't even think about.  So now you're thinking, how many hermaphrodites do I know? Well, about 2% of all the babies born in the world each year are hermaphrodites. So how does this relate to the people I know? let me put it in numbers you can understand. Think about how many red headed people you know. There's probably one in a class you take, you may work with one, or heck maybe you are one! Well, research says the number of red headed people you know is very close to the number of hermaphrodites you know. You see, you live in a world with more than two genders. Society needs to break out of media's grasp and realize that things are not always what they seem.

Lactose Intolerant

Being lactose intolerant is a fairly common thing amongst humans. People work around it and either take medicine to be able to eat milk products or just avoid them all together. But what do animals do if they are? Is it even possible for other animals besides humans to be lactose intolerant? The thought of a cow being lactose intolerant is more than a bit ironic, but could it happen? Animals rely on the milk from their mothers to survive as babies. So I suppose it couldn't happen, but then again human babies are technically supposed to only be able to live off their mother's milk. But humans have the option of using formula for babies. So I guess my question is what would a cow do? Would they just suffer with the pain of being lactose intolerant until they can live on grass? Or would they just die?

Maybelle the Alien?

Have you ever heard that legend about cows being abducted by aliens? Well truth be told, the aliens are cows as well. Imagine a land where the green pastures roll on for miles and miles, full of an endless supply of sweet grass. Then suddenly one day an evil race of enemy aliens came and burned the planet to the ground; leaving nothing but charred, empty pastures and an almost completely wiped out food supply. Now these alien cows are planting their spies on other worlds to look for food for their people. One of these cows was Maybelle. Maybelle was dropped somewhere in New Hampshire. She continued her search by migrating down to Massachusetts. Maybelle frequently reports back to the mother ship. Often at night she is swooped up into the mother ship to report to her superiors. Her search continues alongside her comrades in the hopes of moving toward the Midwest of the United States. Reports from other cows have said there are supple fields of grazing land there. Maybelle's entire race depends on her and her fellow cows to find food for them to flourish as a species entirely.

'Moo Cows' and 'Moke'

Everyone has a small child they know of. It could be your own child, your younger siblings, cousins, your friends family, anyone. But regardless of the person we all have come into contact with a baby or toddler in our lives. That being said, many people have heard how they speak. Their vocabulary consists widely of words they made up or mispronounced. Though it is baby talk to most, I find it clever. Babies and toddlers often rely on the sound or color they can relate the object in question too. Us as grown people rely on the words someone else has set for our language, but children can make up their own words on a limb and are content with calling it as is. I, for example, have a younger sister. We are six years apart, just enough for me to remember when she was a baby. If she was a baby now, she would have called my little toy cow here a 'moocow' or sometimes the occasional 'moomoo'. She referred to them as 'moo cows' until she was around six or seven. I have been told when I was a baby, whenever I wanted a bottle of milk I would ask for 'moke'. Babies rely on what they already know to make up the words for things they don't.

Where Do Cows Go?

Where do cows go when the winter rears its ugly head?
When snowflakes trickle down like small crystals of white,
Where do cows go if the grass turns color?
Changes to the ugly brown during winter,
Where do cows go when the thunder rolls in?
Do they hid under their beds like small children in dinosaur pajamas?
Where do cows go to gossip like old woman?
Do they do it at some kind of cattle salon where you get your hooves painted?
Where do cows go when life turns over a cold stone?
When the lights turn off in their eyes and the drumming in their chest ceases,
Where do cows go when God summons their soul?
When they float away from their pastures and from the heard?
Are they ever again spoken of, or heard?
I tend to wonder where all the cows go.

Milk Me Not

Maybelle sat quietly on the kitchen table, watching, waiting, and listening. She stood perfectly still as the giants meandered around her. They shuffled the papers around and went about in a loud, boisterous manner. Maybelle found it repulsive. These giants did not understand the peaceful manner cows go about their lives. Maybelle watched as the smallest of the giants opened a large white door to reveal a glorious heaven of food inside. Maybelle wanted to jump down from the table and go straight for the green leaves contained in some kind of clear box. The giant pulled out a white container and poured the creamy liquid into a tall glass. Maybelle was horrified. This giant was pouring milk into that glass! Cow Milk! She knew what she had to do. She quietly waited till all the giants were gone and the lights were cut out. She carefully scaled the table leg and trotted over to the bottom of the humongous white door. She pulled and pulled but had no luck opening the door. Suddenly a human came clambering down the stairs and opened the door to retrieve a water bottle. Maybelle slipped inside before it shut the door. She climbed up the shelves careful not to knock over food till she found the milk. She was not letting these terrible giants savor the milk of such peaceful animals such as cows. She pushed it forward off the shelf and as it fell the door fell open with it. The milk landed on the kitchen floor with a giant splat. The container made quite the mess when it made contact with the floor. Maybelle's job was complete.

Maybelle the Cow

Maybelle is a cow. Though you may think she is of the ordinary sorts, you my friend would be terribly mistakened. You see, Maybelle is a special cow. She does extraordinary things when people are away. She defies the odds and goes on great adventures for the well being of all the toys of the house. She can jump from great heights, climb up vertical walls, sneak into the smallest of spaces, and she can even make you think she isn't alive with her extraordinary ability to stand perfectly still. Her greatest of stories will blow your mind and make your spine tingle with anticipation as to what she will do next! Stay tuned for her latest and greatest adventures through the Locklin household as she protects the toys from the evil things lurking in their reality!